The Golden Raspberry Awards “The Razzies”

Golden_Raspberry_Award

Who Deserves a Razzie?

Hollywood was not happy with box office returns for 2014, their lowest-grossing year in recent history.

Despite a handful of high-grossing hits, there were way more major misses — movies based on recycled premises and re-worked concepts that were already tired a decade or more ago, the cinematic equivalent of re-treaded tires.

Those are the films The Golden Raspberry Awards have annually “saluted” since 1980.

Nominees for the 35th Annual Razzie® Awards, satirizing the Worst Achievements in Film for 2014, include new names and several Repeat Offenders, returning for more pie-in-the-face/light-hearted joshing by the one Tinsel Town trophy derby no one sets out to win.

And, in a new spin on the entire Razzie concept, this year launches a new category acknowledging that past nominees and “winners” can (and often do) go on to far far better things.

Contenders for the inaugural Razzie Redeemer Award include Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Mike Myers, Keanu Reeves, and Kristen Stewart.

This year’s Worst Picture list features a big-grossing block-buster sequel, a muscle-headed dud, a critically drubbed remake, a reboot of a long-dead franchise, — and the film currently ranked as The Worst Movie of All Time on the IMDb’s Bottom 100 list. Performers up for the $4.79 gold-spray-painted trophy are a veritable Who’s Who of Hollywood Royalty.

ABOUT THE WORST ACTORS, HERE IS MY 52 CENTS.

Actors can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. Here are the latter.

Lets talk worst actors and first on our list is super sudo-christian kirk Cameron. Now ole kirky poo gets a nomination for just showing up in a movie, but this year he out did himself and replaced Santa Clause Conquers the Martians with Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas as the worst Christmas movie ever made. It was Ho Ho Hum. Cameron’s answers Christmas from the Bible, that same book that has previously been used to excuse slavery, racism, imperialism, the destruction of the environment, and the subjugation of gays and women. For instance, there are trees in the Garden of Eden, and Jesus was crucified on planks of wood, so ta dah — Christmas trees! Christmas movies need to be more than a series of reactionary life lessons crapped off by a thrown-together hip-hop dance number to a remix of “Angels We Have Heard on High.”Kirk should prey for talent. Kirk’s idea of a white Christmas may be similar to hooded carolers with a burning cross. Jesus would hate this dude.

Our second nominee Nicolas Cage is experiencing remorse as he too was Left Behind. Cage lost his houses, cars and bank accounts to over spending and bad management, so he has been taking anything offered to him. Cage will go to the opening of an envelope especially if it has dead presidents inside. Nicolas Cage has rarely looked more miserable than in this dreadful update of an already dreadfully adapted faith-based property. An early ad for “Left Behind” featured a quote taken not from a film critic, but rather from Satan himself, who allegedly quipped, “Please do not bring unbelievers to this movie.” This presents a rare scenario in which so called Christian moviegoers ought to feel perfectly secure heeding the advice of the Devil, as this faith-based thriller is likely to inspire far more dorm-room drinking games than religious conversions. This films right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. Thou shall not watch this movie.

The third is eye candy Kellan Lutz, for The Legend Of Hercules. This retelling of Hercules’ mythology doesn’t feature 12 labors, but 99 — one for each minute the audience has to sit through. Given the collective lack of originality here, one supposes the best anyone involved with “The Legend of Hercules” could hope for was to evoke something someone already liked, since the only marginally fun part of the film is trying to figure out what inspired it – or more likely, what it ripped off. It’s awesome the amount of brawn is working over brain. The screenplay is such a patch-worked mess. Unfortunately, the story begins shortly after that first shot, and it’s off to the dullville races. The stunt work and creativity in some of the sequences does little, however, to work against how much it all looks like 300, Harlin using every trick from speed ramping to slow motion to 3D gimmick throwing arrows and shit at the screen. Really, 3D gimmicky tricks in 2014?

Seth MacFarlane, A Million Ways To Die In The West is next on our list. Now I love Seth and get his humor, but…………. A Million Ways To Die In The West is the most frustrating kind of (somewhat) bad film. It is clearly individualistic in construction, with an amusing point of view to boot. It is filled with notable actors who mostly enjoy the opportunity to cut loose. Someone should have rein him in and let him know what ideas are worth keeping and which are worth discarding. To cast himself as the lead, the writer/director creates the very definition of not as funny as it needs to be. Remember Seth your are not another Streisand. She can do it all.  I am keeping it short for Seth out of respect for his talent and awesome smile.  Seth my friend this was not up to your standards. It should have been retitled A Million Ways For A Career To Die In The West .

Last and well last is Adam Sandler, for Blended. Blended is a lazy movie that talks down to the audience so much so I expect the script to be written in crayon. Sandler’s character is so predictable you could see the trailer and that was more than enough. And so it continues: Adam Sandler’s mission to destroy civilization with his vomit-inducing blend of mawkish sentimentality and dead-on-arrival humor, all bundled up in a putrid package of festering family-friendly fun. Here, he reunites with Drew Barrymore for a bowel-moving tale of a single dad and separated mom who end up going to South Africa for reasons that one assumes involved a free holiday for everyone involved. While in Africa I was hoping for a wild animal to devourer the crew. But somethings are equally in-digestible.

WORST ACTRESS NODS

Drew stop taking Adam Sandlers calls when he is trying to put you in one of his movies. He may be a friend but his movies are out of date. For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. The result of this movie is a desert of laughter-free desolation. We love you Drew, but honey child I mean really.

What can we say about Cameron Diaz, and her public displays of bad judgment in not one but two films. Well three films if you count Annie and are being brutally honest. The Other Woman and Sex Tape should never go to DVD, but instead shown to prisoners as a form of torture. For those with a voyeuristic desire to gaze upon Cameron Diaz’s well-toned body or Jason Segel’s slimmed-down physique, such glimpses might be worth the price of admission to Sex Tape if you rent it threw red box for a dollar. But despite what the movie would have us believe, the two never have any discernible chemistry.It was not sexy, it was just not. I rate this as a full computer delete. Wash your eyes out so they will not be permanently scared by visions of this disastrous attempt at film making.

In third is Melissa McCarthy, for Tammy. Not a remake of the Debbie Reynolds classic. This is a career intervention warning. Melissa you’re a hilarious and fearless actress with an Oscar nomination, box office clout and gazillions of fans. But your latest outing, a labor of love called Tammy, is a dangerous step backward. Clunky and aimless, it’s quite possibly the hottest mess of the year.

Charlize Theron, A Million Ways To Die In The West well think about how much of an indictment it is to say, “All the good jokes are in the trailer”  A Million Ways to Die in the West is so bad it makes Ted look like Young Frankenstein. A Million Ways To Die In The West could not be more damaging to the career of Charlize Theron  if it had been made as a documentary by someone who hated her.

And last is Gaia Weiss, for The Legend Of Hercules. Her character as the princess of Crete should be retitled as the princess of concrete with her stone-faced acting. The film gives rise to cheap-looking swords fights and a fantasy misadventure that is mostly a joyless slog to sit through – save for the few moments where the film delivers some delicious cheesy melodrama and 3D gimmickry. Gaia Weiss should make her agent give his commission to charity because placing her in this film was not a move he or she should receive compensation for.

Razzes for all those mentioned.

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Picture
Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas
Left Behind
The Legend Of Hercules
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Transformers 4: Age of Extinction

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Director
Michael Bay, Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction
Darren Doane, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas
Renny Harlin, The Legend of Hercules
Jonathan Liebesman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Seth MacFarlane, A Million Ways To Die In The West

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Actor
Kirk Cameron, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas
Nicolas Cage, Left Behind
Kellan Lutz, The Legend Of Hercules
Seth MacFarlane, A Million Ways To Die In The West
Adam Sandler, Blended

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Actress
Drew Barrymore, Blended
Cameron Diaz, The Other Woman and Sex Tape
Melissa McCarthy, Tammy
Charlize Theron, A Million Ways To Die In The West
Gaia Weiss, The Legend Of Hercules

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Supporting Actor
Mel Gibson, Expendables 3
Kelsey Grammer, Expendables 3, Legends Of Oz, Think Like A Man Too and Transformers 4
Shaquille O’Neal, Blended
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Expendables 3
Kiefer Sutherland, Pompeii

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Worst Supporting Actress
Cameron Diaz, Annie
Megan Fox, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Nicola Peltz, Transformers 4: Age of Extinction
Susan Sarandon, Tammy
Brigitte Ridenour, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Annie
Atlas Shrugged 3: Who Is John Galt?
The Legend Of Hercules
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction

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Worst Screen Combo
Any Two Robots, Actors (or Robotic Actors), Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction
Kirk Cameron & His Ego, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas
Cameron Diaz & Jason Segel, Sex Tape
Kellan Lutz & Either His Abs, His Pecs or His Glutes, The Legend Of Hercules
Seth McFarlane & Charlize Theron, A Million Ways To Die In The West

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Worst Screenplay
Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas, Written by Darren Doane and Cheston Hervey
Left Behind, Screenplay by Paul LaLonde and John Patus; Based on the Novel by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Sex Tape, Screenplay by Kate Angelo and Jason Segel & Nicholas Stoller
Transformers 4: Age of Extinction, Written by Ehren Kruger; Based on Hasbro’s Transformers Action Figures
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Written by Evan Daugherty and Andre Nemec & Josh Applebaum; Based on Characters Created by Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman

Golden_Raspberry_Award

 

 

Razzie Redeemer Award
Ben Affleck, From Razzie “Winner” for Gigli to Oscar darling for Argo and Gone Girl
Jennifer Aniston, From 4-time Razzie nominee to SAG award nominee for Cake
Mike Myers, From Razzie “Winner” for Love Guru to Docu Director of Supermensch
Keanu Reeves, From 6-time Razzie nominee to the critically acclaimed John Wick
Kristen Stewart, From 6-time Razzie “Winner” for Twilight to the art house hit Camp X-Ray

For this year’s 10 regular Razzie categories, contenders and “winners” are determined by seeking online votes from 757 G.R.A.F. Members throughout 47 U.S. states and 19 foreign countries. For the 11th, new category, The Razzie Redeemer Award, the winner will be determined by a public vote by users at the popular movie review website Rotten Tomatoes.com. “Winners” in all categories will be announced on the now traditional date of “Oscar Eve”, at 8pm on Saturday February 21 at the Montalban Theatre in Hollywood.

The Razzies were created in 1980 as the comical counterpoint to Tinsel Town’s annual glut of self-congratulatory awards by John Wilson, author of The Official Razzie Movie Guide and Everything I Know I Learned At The Movies. For more info on the awards or their history, visit The Official Razzie Website or IMDb.com, follow the Razzies on Facebook and Twitter, or visit the YouTube RazzieChannel.

LOU CEFFER FOR SPY HOLLYWOOD

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