Oh Noah He Didn’t

The-Ark-02For those of you who still haven’t seen the jaw-dropping disaster on blogs like Friendly Atheist let me introduce Ken Ham’s megamillion-dollar monument to the stupidity of man he calls The Ark Encounter in the fertile ground of ignorance in the middle of the Bible Belt replete with dinosaurs. It was Mark Twain who presciently said, “When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky because everything there happens 25 years after it happens everywhere else.”
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Inside one of The Ark Encounter exhibits.

What Ham and company have created is an affront to all known scientific data known to mankind and he and his ilk are lying to deceive because the one thing that ignorance flourishes in is religion. Consider for a moment that not only are the 13,000 known species represented in the Ark but also all the dinosaurs which were until a few years ago, just something scientists made up to make evangelicals looks stupid. Bring in a few billion dollars in Jurassic Park sales and it’s going to be awful hard to sell children on the book of Genesis.

The Ark opening day tanked much like Trump’s inaugural. Photos of a nearly deserted parking lot and nonexistent entry lines (the sheer number of unmanned ticket windows is a pitiful testament to how badly AiG overestimated the popularity of the whole farce) combine with reports that there were more atheist and pro-science attendees than anyone else, except perhaps staff. It could not have been anything but demoralizing, as much as AiG will doubtlessly try to spin it as a resounding success.


What immediately strikes you upon viewing the images that have been posted so far is that, absurd as it all is, this is a construction that spent the hell out of the nearly $100 million that was poured into it. Elaborate displays, rows and rows of animal cages with speakers placed within providing atmospheric honks and squawks, intricately carved wooden signs inventing elaborate explanations for how waste-product disposal and feeding were supposedly handled.


And dinosaurs. Yep, it’s got ’em.

All this money and all this effort spent on a momument to propogating ignorance and myth.

All to defend the delusions of a sad man (lots of them, really), terrified that science is telling him he has no heaven to go to when he dies.

Imagine living in so much fear of knowledge that you dedicate your life to moronity on this massive a scale. After all these years I still shake my head at it all.

There are many, many flaws with the Genesis story of Noah’s Flood, and there are many articles debunking it as well. So to add the case we will debunk just the size and construction of the wooden Ark alone.

The ark was purported to be 516.24′ x 86′ x 51.6′(converted from cubits). There was supposed to be 3 decks. Using this data, we get a total square footage of 133,189.92 ft on 3 decks.

Assuming you don’t accept Evolution, you must arrive at the assumption that the number of species we currently see is exactly the same number of species that existed at the time of Noah. (Excluding the Dinosaurs, even though Ken Ham believed they were also on the Ark.) I believe he added Dinosaurs due to the availability of the wax model raptures and not on any scienticic research. And for simplicity we will forgo that whole 7 of every clean animal part since the math with only counting 2 of every species is more than adequate.

According to conservative estimates, there are between 3 Million to 10 Million different species on Earth today.

Using the MOST CONSERVATIVE numbers, 3 Million species x 2 of each species (not taking into consideration species that reproduce via non-sexual reproduction)= 6 Million animals.

133,189.92 Sq Ft divided by 6 Million animals = 0.0221983 sq ft, or 0.27 sq in. This is simple math folks and we aren’t even including food, water or excrement. So each animal gets about 1/4 of a square inch in the Ark, but we’re not done just yet.

Let’s talk about the live animal cargo on the Ark and how it’s construction effected that as well.

An adult elephant in captivity will eat around 50kg of food per day. A mixture of hay mostly but with vegetables and oddly, bread. 50×365= 18,250kg. Times two, of course, is 36,500kg of food or 36.5 metric tonnes. Also, an elephant in captivity will drink about 200 litres of water per day. That’s 146,000 litres of water for two elephants, or 38569 gallons. And this is for just elephants, there’s apparently an entire planet’s worth of animal species x2 left to feed after this. So with every animal having only a 1/4 inch to roam, where did they fit all the food?

Digesion of food = gas and waste…

In order to prevent explosive levels of methane gas, not to mention an odor of biblical proportion, the air in the ark would need to be totally exchanged every two hours. The velocity of the air in Noah’s window needed to be maintained at 170.45 miles per hour for 11+ months. No provision were made for exhaust gas according to the bible, they must have overlooked this ripe fact.

The Bible says also that the biblical flood covered the highest peak. In Genesis 15 it says, “The waters prevailed fifteen cubits upward, and the mountains were covered.” According to the United States’ Geological Survey, there is 332,500,000 cubic miles of water on Earth. The highest mountain is Mt. Everest at 29,029 feet above sea level. The surface area of the Earth is 196.9 million square miles. To increase the amount of water to cover the top of Everest would take approximately 600,000,000 cubic miles of water which is nearly twice the volume of water on our planet now.

At 23,000 feet, the Earth is so cold that it would freeze any water at that altitude and cause any creature to be what mountain climbers call ‘the death zone’ where altitude sickness kills with regularity in a matter of hours but to hear Ken Ham and Ray Comfort tell it, all the critters were all warm and comfy on the Ark for 40 days and 40 nights and the year after it took for the waters to recede. Of course Antione Lavoisier’s Law of Conservation of Mass and all we know about physics is out the window because magic and such. The increased volume of water would cause the Earth to rotate wildly and Ken Ham nor Ray Comfort are ever going to explain what happened to all of that water.

Obviously to anyone who is not intellectually challenged, there are a lot of other problems with the book of Genesis. For instance, there are about 400,000 known species of beetles on this planet. The sheer volume of 800,000 beetles would take up a third of the Ark by volume but that kind of fact-based logic does not perturb Ken because God can wave his magic wand and undo the laws of physics entirely. Ken had some trouble with that whole logic “thing” when he debated Bill Nye who had some particular observations that perplexed the biblical sages.

This debate was a windfall for the floundering Ark Encounter project. Religious-folk didn’t take kindly to their champeen being made to look like a perfectly designed imbecile by some uppity sciencetician that went to college! Donations poured in and Ken Ham got just the governor he needed to make his Monument to Human Stupidity in Matt Bevin. Bevin is a religious fanatic that hired his own private attorney to file a lawsuit against Kentuckiana Planned Parenthood because everyone knows that Jesus doesn’t like abortions.

Bevin procured an $11 million allotment to help build an exit way for the Ark Encounter so that these traviling evangelicals could put more children in chains with their primitive religious dogma. Kentuckians hailed the expansion by and large the local churchs teach Charles Darwin was a godless commie. It also begs the question, if religious people want to practice their religion then why can’t they keep their hands out of the government’s pocket? Shouldn’t the good Lord provide the money to spread the good word? Apparently not.

The flat imbecility of creationists/flat Earthers who believe that 2 of everything of the 13,000 species of Earth-dwellers lived on a boat 500 feet long for 40 days and 40 nights without any food not to mention the animal waste by products is entirely ludicrous. The 600 year-old man who built an Ark for God exists only in the fertile ground of the primitive mind. Selling lies to a compliant following is the charlatan’s profession.

What is even better if you’re in the business of selling lies disguised as faith is that the Ark Encounter Ministries will not have to pay a nickel in taxes to the state of Kentucky, ever. Whoever said that America was the ‘land of opportunity’ was either a preacher, politician or a snake-oil salesman which in this day and age, what’s the difference?

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