Dear Santa, I can explain…

61ObQk16aBL._SL1500_And Santa, I am writing this card to tell you I have been very naughty, but not as naughty as I could have been. So thats somethings right?

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. The circle of life.

I was at the post office this week to send out my annual Christmas cards to friends and family when this lady said to me this year she was sending out paperless Christmas cards. She said it is a great way to feel better about the murdered tree in her living room.

Yes, you have to mail your packages and Christmas Cards early, so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Americans still love the Christmas Card, but some families, well, frankly have gone just too far.

Christmas is the time to send out cards with families dressed in matching jumpers or festive novelty outfits.

Christmas allows you to spend money you don’t have ,to give people you don’t like, stuff they don’t want?

PEACE ON EARTH

christmascaed1Lets us meet the Johnson family from Louisiana. What began as an attempt at a humorous card soon spiraled into an online debate. Some defended the family’s right to portray themselves in whatever way they choose. A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.

The photo was shared nearly 45,500 times on Imgur, prompting photographer Hannah Hawkes to respond to the number of comments she was receiving. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Christmas sweaters and our family Christmas cards are only acceptable as a cry for help.

DADDY PIMPIN & THE HO HO HO’s.

chritmascardsThough antlers and Christmas trees feature in the Yoshida family’s Christmas photo, their portrait was far from traditional. “Disclaimer: this was my idea I want the credit,” wrote daughter Natalie Yoshida when she posted the holiday snap on Instagram.

The photo was shared on Imgur and has since been viewed over 2.7 million times. Some criticized the Florida family, citing allusions to prostitution or incest, with one Imgur user writing “as a new father, I can’t imagine a situation when I’d call her a ho.” Others praised the comedy of the setup, writing that it was “a great play on words”.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

FUN WITH GUNS FOR CHRISTMAS

christmascard3In a year dominated by debates over gun control, Nevada assemblywoman and Michele Fiore made her stance on the second amendment known by posing alongside her family with guns in hand.

Fiore has made her support for guns abundantly clear, frequently posing with firearms on social media, her campaign page, and the “Walk the Talk Second Amendment Calendar.”

The photo was posted on Facebook before the San Bernardino shootings, but has received criticism in light of the number of mass shootings this year. One user commented, “Each to his own but I think the timing of this post and card is insensitive given the recent shootings in your country and around the world. A little compassion would go a long way.”

Others (gun toting nut jobs) praised her for her patriotism and for showing pride in being a gun owner.

I don’t mind fruitcakes. They’re the one thing during the holidays I’m not tempted to eat.

UNCLE ELF ON A SHELF

christmascardelfonshelfAfter Canadian parents Joe and Megan Wynberg saw lots of photos and cards inspired by The Elf on the Shelf, a toy parents move around the house to encourage good behavior around Christmas, they decided to take the concept one step further.

The couple took photos of Joe or Megan in various situations around the house, posing as a human Elf on the Shelf. Perhaps the most challenging pose involved Joe hanging upside down outside their window.

If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.

Though the couple only planned to take a few photos of Joe in various situations, the couple have produced 18 photos since the end of November thanks to an enthusiastic response on Facebook.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

ALL IT TAKES IS A FAKE

christmascardjoshbrassowMichigan college student Joshua Brassow, hadn’t seen many of his extended family in almost a decade, so the annual Christmas card gave him the chance to have some fun.

Brassow hired a fake family to pose with him, encouraging his faux wife to look as intimidating as possible alongside his two supposed teenage sons. He wanted the picture to look plausible, writing “I want to baffle my aunts, uncles and especially my grandparents.”

The photo has now been seen over 1.5 million times on Imgur, though Brassow hopes that his relatives will still be surprised.

Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.

The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.”

FONDUE OR FAN-DON’T

CHRISTMASCARD4STAY AWAY FROM THOSE TWO. YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY’VE BEEN. “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men throw reason right out the door when posing for the annual Family Christmas Card. “The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. Now you know the guy on the left Larry is the one that set this photo shoot up. You can tell because the guy on the right Terry is just waiting until it is over, because Larry it is OVER. Merry Christmas.

“DON’T LET THE PAST STEAL YOUR PRESENT

christmas family galleryYes this is the family that is one of the best examples of bad genetics. To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance. Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home with this family.

Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer. The mom here says she is ready for the holidays. I have moved all my garden gnomes from the backyard to the front, and now they’re elves.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, NEARLY EVERYBODY

CHRISTMASCARDworst christmas family portraits galleryChristmas is a time when this man wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What he don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating and drinking begin! In fact this year you can see this dad barely sobered up enough to get into all the Christmas Card photo action. The holiest of holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart.

The first half hour of Christmas with this family is just the father telling everyone where to park.

RUDOLPH THE NOSE REINDEER KILLER

Christmas-Cammo-GunsPeople can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December like Christmas. This gun toting family believes the proper behavior to act all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on Christmas Eve and you stay drunk until New Year’s Eve. With gun in hand you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

FATHER, SON AND HOLY TOASTED

bad-christmas-cards-gallery5I’m a minimalist. I don’t really need much to enjoy a good holiday – just my family and the bare essentials. You have to remind kids to stay connected to the meaning of Christmas. Sometimes it takes a little bit of effort, but it’s so worth it.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped and liquored up.

Yes, the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

I wonder how many divorce papers have been filed by wives whose husbands took them seriously when they said, “No presents this year, honey.”

0ZWPBE6.jpgmChristmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate for an atheist child.

Merry Merry,

Lou Ceffer

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