Stupid People Believe What?

stupid_peopleWell it started out as a bit of a joke in the office and turned out that yes many of our fellow humans are a lower life form. Yes we are in a world of smart phones held by stupid people. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, these people just gargled.

We asked a simple questionnaire. What do you believe in?

These subjects inspired the slogan, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

Here were the top ten things people believe are true.

Number 1-Obama’s A Muslim

According to the Pew Research Center, 18% of Americans believe Obama is a Muslim. Most likely, the same people also hate Muslims. Put it together, and there’s a chance that one in five Americans hate our President because of his supposed religion.
Are your parents siblings?

Number 2-Moon Landing Was A Hoax

A huge number of Americans believe that the moon landing was staged. Aside from the sheer stupidity of that, it raises a bigger question: If it was faked, how would Buzz Aldrin be bedding lady space groupie after space groupie if he hadn’t actually been on the moon? He would not. Thus, real.
You’re a few planets short of a Federation

Number 3-Sun Revolves Around The Earth

I know Americans have a tendency to be a bit self-involved, but this is a bit much. According to a Gallup poll in 1999, 18% believed that the earth was the center of the universe. On a side note, 3% said “no opinion.” Those folks could not be bothered with such pedestrian quandaries.

Oh, and for those 18% who believe this, that picture is Galileo. That guy knew his shit.

No, a polygon is not a dead parrot.

Number 4-Ghosts Are The Real Deal

One in three Americans believe in Ghosts. All Americans believe in Ghost. Both have no business existing.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Number 5-Dinosaurs and Humans, BFFs

As of a couple years ago, nearly one-third of Texans believed that dinosaurs and humans roamed the earth at the same time. Yup. Oh, and at least one Alaskan, as well.
Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

Number 6-Evolution? That’s A Bit Of A Stretch

A 2004 study showed that 51% of Americans believed in Creationism. Over half of the people in this country thought humans just showed up one day and were ready for homeschooling.
We all spring from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough.

Number 7-Environmentalists Intentionally Caused The Oil Spill

So you know that oil spill that ruined the ocean, killed thousands of animals, and pretty much brought the country to a standstill? Environmentalists fault. It’s so obvious, I can’t believe only 10% believe this. To save what you love, you must sacrifice it. Those sick bastards.
People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

Number 8-The Existence of Aliens

It’s an old study, but not much has changed since 1999 in regard our nation’s knowledge of Alien life forms. And that’s unfortunate, as 80% of Americans believe the country’s keeping something under wraps in Roswell. Actually puts the rest of the list in perspective, doesn’t it?
Sure, I’ve seen people like you before – but I had to pay an admission.

Number 9-Fox News Most Trusted Channel In News

Over half are convinced of this. Well, after that aliens stat, you can’t be that shocked.
I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Number 10- That Gay People can choose to become straight.

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Although public opinion on matters of homosexuality has grown steadily more progressive, the pace remains a bit glacial. In 2012, a Pew poll found that 35 percent of respondents considered sexual orientation a lifestyle choice. Just last week, Texas Gov. Rick Perry likened homosexuality to alcoholism, suggesting that while people may have “genetic coding,” it’s still boils down to personal desire. He later said he “stepped right in it” with the comparison. That’s putting it mildly.

Perry is so dense, light bends around him.

11) That 9/11 didn’t happen in 2001.

In 2006, the Washington Post ran the results of a questionnaire that indicated 30 percent of Americans didn’t know what year 9/11 took place—though 95 percent could correctly identify the month and day. Not bad, considering the phrase “9/11” denotes exactly that information.

 The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

12) That their jobs really matter.

Roughly 30 percent of Americans report that they feel “engaged” in their careers. We’re guessing these replies came exclusively from guitarists and zookeepers who work with otters.

I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

13) That the Bible is the literal word of God.

Yes, some three in 10 Americans believe there’s a book so true that God himself could not write it, and instead relied on prophets to be his (infallible?) secretaries—according to Gallup, anyway. Almost half the country, meanwhile, thinks the Bible is merely “inspired” by the word of God, and not necessarily to be taken at face value.

Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.

14) That they aren’t the product of evolution.

“I didn’t come from no monkey!” —people with an inexplicable prejudice against monkeys, or about 33 percent of the U.S., according to Pew Research.

Believe me, I don’t want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?

15) That medical care is too expensive to seek out.

The cost of getting well in the U.S. is certainly outrageous, but the 30 percent of citizens who prefer to “walk it off” are probably just forestalling even more punishing health-related debt.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

16) That the time has come for armed revolution.

You know those people who seem to buy more guns than they could possibly need? Well, it seems they’re stockpiling: Fairleigh Dickinson University’s PublicMind last year had some 29 percent of poll respondents saying that a bloody fight against the U.S. government “isn’t just imminent but imperative.” That’ll be fun.

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

17) That global warming is mainly caused by “natural changes in the environment.”

You must be the arithmetic man — you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

18) That you can get your news from Facebook.

Turns out people are letting their friends decide which (mis)informative sites and articles they access on a daily basis—despite the fact that 30 percent of Americans haven’t seen a single one of their Facebook friends IRL in the past three months. How social.

You have signs on both ears saying “Space for Rent”.

19) That the Pacific Ocean does not appear on a world map.

Only 71 percent of Americans could find it, with the rest presumably complaining about that big patch of blue covering up most of the planet’s eastern hemisphere.

If brains were dynamite, you would not have enough to blow your nose.

20) That another war in Iraq is a good idea.

Fox is already calling B.S. on a Rasmussen report that appears to show that a significant plurality of Americans want to get more aggressive about fighting al-Qaeda in Iraq.

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? 

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Story and snark by Lou Ceffer

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